#17!

whoa!  time waits on NOONE!

I went for my 17th infusion on Friday – who woulda thunk it; I can’t believe it’s been that long.  It was a great one too – i got stuck only once, the blood GUSHED out of my vein (unlike the usual “molasses going UPhill”) and the medication took only 20 mins as opposed to an hour to flow into my body – go figure; i chalked it up as “just 1 of dem tings“.  I stayed a little longer than normal to be observed afterward because 20 mins was so out of the ordinary.

Anyhoo, so i normally see a doctor or a nurse practioner before going in for the infusion and 1 of the questions they always ask is how things have been in the past month and if i’ve noticed any new neurological symptoms (I CANNOT spell that word on the 1st try – EVER). so i told Beverly (the nurse practitioner) about my off and on bladder issues.  She asked me if it was new to me and i told her that it has happened before, but i never thought that it was MS related.  She confirmed for sure that it was and told me that if i was interested, there were drugs that could be prescribed to help.  Before i could say anything, she went on to tell me that the drugs prescribed sometimes can make it harder to pee for some patients.

now, i didn’t want the drugs in the 1st place but after she told me that, there was no way i was going to say yes.  What the?!?!?! can anyone tell me why it is that the drugs prescribed that will help one to pee all the way and completely empty the bladder will actually make it harder to pee at all?????  There is something wrong with that statement – it makes no kinda sense – AT ALL; not in any language!!!!  Who the hell are these researchers, drug manufacturers, scientists…boy would i like to have word with them!

Anyway, I asked beverly if my going along without doing anything is a problem and she said no – thank God.  As with everything MS related, I will keep an eye on it and if it starts getting worse or becoming a problem, i will deal with it then…no need getting my panties all in a bunch for nothing at this point.

MS Really is Bad

One of the things that helped me come to terms with having MS was that “it’s not the worst thing that could have happened”…I’m beginning to rethink that…MS is pretty darn bad…okay, maybe it isn’t the worst, but it’s up there with the rest of the bad things.  i think that what makes it worse than some other diseases is that the cause is unknown, it’s unknown how it could affect anyone on any given day, the cure is unknown- there are just too many bloody unknowns.

One of the ways that it can affect us is with bladder control.  Some patients may not be able to control their bladders whilst others may not even be able to empty their bladders (no consistency either!!!!) for me, sometimes I pee just because there is a bathroom around – not necessarily because i have to pee, but because there is a bathroom i don’t mind using available.  I never let it get to the point where my bladder is about to buss because if i get to that point, my ass is grass – there’s no holding it for me!

I noticed that every now and again something would happen to me so i said to G, “you ever had to pee, used the bathroom and then u notice after you’re done and u leave the bathroom (mind u) that, “shit!  i have to go again?”  Of course she said no and as usual, we moved on…i chalked it up to one of those things that just happens sometimes i guess.  I subscribe to the MS Society’s monthly publication and 1 day i was reading it and i saw an article on the bladder control issue and it spoke about patients’ not being able to empty their bladders and it hit me, “what the?!?!?! i guess that’s what i’ve been experiencing”  i’d never thought that it was the MS – for once i didn’t blame it and it actually is to blame.  When it happens, it’s only at nite – i drink so much water (i always say, the only things i drink are water and alcohol, i don’t mess with juice and sweet drink and all the other shit out there) that sometimes i have to get up 2 or 3 times to pee at nite – well when i do use the bathroom and get back into bed to go back to sleep, that’s when it give me a nudge and says, “eh eh…we not done yet” so i have to get back out of the bed and head back to the bathroom.

I’ve had conversations with the MS, “i mean, do u really think that it’s necessary to put me thru this????  i mean i have to get out the bed, stumble to the bathroom, pee, stumble back to bed, lie down to start going back to sleep and THEN u decide to let me know that “oh by theway, u’re not done yet” so i have to start the whole bloody process al over AGAIN!!!”  i mean…really?!??!?!  UNNECESSARY walking is not something i ever look forward to; i try to save my walking for when i absolutely must do it and in my book, this situation counts as completely unnecessary and uncalled for.

Don’t get me wrong, i still know that my situation is not the worst (for sure) and maybe MS isn’t the worst, but it sure is damn bad!!

GRRRRRR!!!

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